Almost here!

Seems like as good a time as any, while C is wired up to the epidural and sleeping soundly (for what is probably the first time in weeks) right through the contractions I see on the monitor. The other line on the monitor printout is Augie’s heartbeat, which is playing quietly through the computer speaker as well, and it’s weird that the sound is maybe the most physically present he’s seemed to me so far. Not being the one who’s carried him all this time.

The easy quip at this point would be how this relative silence is the last of its kind for me. But I’m totally riveted by the heartbeat sound, listening for little changes in rate and rhythm that must mean something for how he’s feeling about this right now, getting squeezed, probably starting to feel gravity for the first time now that theres nothing left to float in…

Which makes this the craziest thing: wanting to pause longer in this in-between space not because of the quiet, but because of the noise, the barely audible pulsing squish-squish that says he’s OK even though I cant see him.